Excluse! An interview with...Seth Gabriel?

Author Belinda Frisch has been lucky enough to land an exclusive interview with Seth Gabriel, star of Ghosts of Demons Past!  This is reblogged from her site. Seth does his best to be a pain in the ass but she gives it right back; a worthy adversary for the tequila drinking medium.  Enjoy!

I'm fortunate enough to have landed an exclusive interview with medium Seth Gabriel. 

Welcome, Seth. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy ghost-elimination schedule to talk to me about your business, your love life, and your "gift". 

You’re the man behind SG Cleaning Services, definitely not a conventional housekeeping service. Tell us about what you do.

If you’re looking for someone to vacuum, or shampoo your carpets, I ain’t your dude.  I don’t do dishes, I don’t do windows, I don’t mop floors, and I sure as hell don’t scrub toilets.  But, if you hear creepy noises in the house?  Noises you can’t explain?  Feel like someone’s watching you, but nobody’s there?  Have the chills and goosebumps for no good reason?  Maybe you wake up and all the cabinets in the kitchen are open? Could be the window you know you just closed is open when you come back in the room, or a book falls off the shelf all on its own.  Now THAT I can help you with, ‘cause chances are, you’ve got a ghost.  I don’t deal in house cleaning, but I do deal in ghosts.  I come in and I get rid of them, simple as that.  Backed up by my money back guarantee of course.  I’ll even hook you up with references!  Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have some Hornitos by any chance, would you?  You know, to calm my nerves?  I’m not used to being interviewed.

Rumor has it, you need to lay off the hooch. *hands over a Coke

Not everyone understands or believes in your abilities. Even your son takes heat at school for his dad’s wacky profession. SG Cleaning Services certainly isn’t easy on you. Why not get a more conventional job?

Guess that’s a no on the tequila.  Probably for the best.  Trying to cut down anyway.  So, why not a more conventional job?  Been there, done that, never panned out.  I didn’t graduate high school because of some…stuff that went down when I was in my late teens  so it’s not like a cushy career in a climate controlled office is in the cards for me.  Ghosts are what I’m good at.  It’s what I DO.  Besides, it pays the bills.  Mostly.  Sometimes.  How about a beer?

Still no. 

You see dead people, right? Are you afraid that your “gift” might have passed to your son? What if it has?

Hey!  How’d you know that?  Oh, my ‘tell all’ book.  I’m not comfortable sharing my secret but hell, I’ve seen the sales numbers.  It’s not like my skills are going to be worldwide news any time soon.  Mitch is a good kid.  Better than I deserve.  But no, I’m not worried about him inheriting anything except for my shitty trailer.  That is, until you brought it up.  Now I’m worried about it.  Man, I really wouldn’t mind that beer right about now.

This guy's relentless. Focus, Seth. You can hit the bar as soon as we're done.

Mixing with spirits takes a toll on your body, but there’s something worse. Tell us about the demon. Any guesses why this particular nasty keeps popping into your life?

Who knows?  Maybe I killed a busload of nuns in another life and this is karma’s way of stepping on my neck.  Or it could just be my shit luck. Can we talk about something else?

Ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away. With a demon on your tail and the word out about you and a certain hooker, you might want to explore this, before it crops up again and makes a mess. You have people to take care of. This demon tends to get personal.

I won’t sugar coat your track record with women. You’re divorced, and exploring a new relationship with a ‘working girl’. Tell us about Jamie. Do you think she’s ‘the one’?

Don’t go getting any ideas.  I saw you scoping out my ass on the way in here.  Can’t blame you.  It’s one of my nicer features.  You’re cute and all, don’t get me wrong, but I’m a one woman kinda guy.  How’s that for an answer?

Busted.

Tell us about your most difficult case.

Adult store in Bordentown.  Not going to say which one.  Legal stuff.  I’m good like that.  Anyway, the owner went in to open up one morning and ‘merchandise’ had been tossed all over the joint.  At first he thought it was a break in but there was no sign of forced entry.  The locks weren’t jimmied, none of the windows were broken, and he had the sole key.  My gut told me there was something lingering around the place as soon as I set foot through the door, but he insisted on showing me the security footage, so I watched it with him.  We saw toys, DVDs, anything that wasn’t nailed down, being hurled every which way…by themselves.  Tape doesn’t lie, and it proved what I’d already figured out:  he had Geist (those are the more interactive, pissed off ghosts) activity.  I spent that entire night dodging dildos, vibrators, and triple ripple butt plugs before convincing the bugger to vamoose.  I barely got the job done with my ass intact.  Literally.  I felt violated.  So I charged him extra.

I heard a slightly different story but hey, a medium has to have his secrets ;-) 

What’s next for Seth Gabriel?

I have no idea.  Since you won’t get me that beer, I may just have to go to Veronica’s and buy my own.  Or I could stop at Homer’s A Real American Gyro for a Gyro to Die For.  Maybe I’ll get laid.  Hell, I could do all three, right?  It’s a free country.

Homer's a saint for feeding you and putting you up in that tiny office of yours, even if it's only to play XBox. That ass you're so proud of isn't going to stay so firm if you don't expand your palate to something other than gyros and tequila. Empty calories, Seth. How about one of your famous breakfast plates? I hear the landlady has spare bacon.